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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231794">Kiss Kiss Kiss</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Hat in Time (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Non-Consensual Kissing, Snatcher being Snatcher</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:21:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,298</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26231794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dead Bird Studio teaches Hat Kid how to fake kiss for their newest movie.<br/>Of course, she's hyped to show off her trick to anyone and everyone that crosses her path in Subcon Forest.<br/>Snatcher suffers. So do his minions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hat Kid/Snatcher (A Hat in Time)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kiss Kiss Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You know stage kissing? Imagine Hat Kid learning about stage kissing.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The hat brat had been insufferable since she'd come back from her latest movie stunts.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>Apparently, one of the movies had needed her to learn how to kiss "Birdwood style" (aka, not at all), and now the little menace was running through his forest dipping little subconites left and right in fake passionate kissing.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was surprisingly hard to read a book when the little brat kept running all over the place on the hunt for some other poor sucker. The literal explosions didn't help either.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Cut it off already, kid. Only <b>I'M</b> allowed to terrorize my minions!" Snatcher shouted, popping his head out of his tree long enough to see the line of subconites lying on the floor like puppets with their strings cut. Snatcher narrowed his eyes at them. "Are you... playing <em>dead</em>?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>One of the subconites on the floor shushed in his direction.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"She can't "play" with us if we're dead," another grounded subconite said in hushed tones.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher went very silent.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Everyone... In this <em>pecking forest</em>... Is already <b>DEAD</b>, except for that <em>brat</em>!" Snatcher shouted, already at the metaphorical end of his rope, even as he could still hear the menace running and giggling somewhere in the distance, accompanied by the surprised shouts of subconites and the occasional explosion. "If you don't want to play the fools then go hide, <em>far away</em>, and tell the others to do the same. The brat will grow bored <em>eventually</em>, right?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>One of the subconites, who Snatcher vaguely remembered being on the cusp of adulthood in another life, started with a foreboding and awkward "<em>erm</em>".</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher groaned, covering his face before the subconite could go on.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Just go and <em>hide</em>, you idiots. I'll deal with her later."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>As if waiting for the cue, the subconites got up, cheerfully shouting "thanks boss!" as they broke into a run, every one of them scattering in a different direction. </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher watched them go, heard the telltale sounds of more explosions and giggling in the distance, and went back to his cozy chair to (attempt) to read.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Like he'd known and dreaded, it wasn't long until the brat waltzed into his tree, jumping from side to side in excitement. Snatcher spied the top of the sprinter hat from above the page of his very thick, very wordy law book, and suddenly understood a little more why the subconites might've thought that playing dead was safer. Better than getting into a chase you knew you'd lose.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Snat—" the kid started, uncharacteristically loud for her.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You got some kissing lessons from the big screen, yeah yeah, now get lost kid, I'm reading," Snatcher interrupted, waving a hand away as he kept his gaze firmly on the book.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>There was, as always, a chance his disinterest would backfire. But considering that it hadn't been <em>that</em> long since the kid had finished his death wishes, there was a good chance she'd go away.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher considered wrong.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He heard the telltale sound of the kid jumping out of his tree and, for a moment, felt something like relief.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Then something jumped <em>on</em> the tree's roots and began to sprint up the wood.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher barely had time to move the book away from himself before a heavy, warm, living and <em>utterly relentless of a little menace</em> fell on his lap with all the aplomb of someone jumping into a swimming pool in summer.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The kid smiled up at him, eyes mischievous. Snatcher, for a lack of being able to roll his eyes, sighed loudly and slouched on his seat.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Before he could do anything else, the kid had her arms awkwardly wrapped around his chest and face, only now seeming to realize the complications of trying to dip someone while sitting.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher had an idea.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Hey kid, wanna learn how to <em>really</em> kiss someone?" Snatcher asked, pushing her face away with a hand before she tried to fake kiss him anyways. The kid perked up, although it was her cautious "is he going to throw another dumb contract at me" interest. Which wouldn't do, since the surprise was part of the experience. <em>Rude</em>. "Don't worry, no contract needed! It's a small thing, a <em>BFF</em> thing, really."</p>
</div><div>
  <p><em>Now</em> the kid looked properly interested and off-guard. Perfect.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher grabbed both sides of her face and, before the kid could rethink her choices, mashed their mouths together.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>It wasn't <em>pretty</em>, but it wasn't painful either, pros of being dead. The kid's face bounced off a little, making a face Snatcher was too close to truly appreciate, before their lips met again and <em>stayed</em> that way.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Her mouth was warm, was the first thing Snatcher realized. Her face too, warm with the touch of life, soft and squishy with alien youthfulness.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher's mouth wasn't necessarily a... mouth in the most literal of senses, most times. It wasn't like ghosts needed things like <em>throats</em> or <em>tongues</em> or <em>lips</em> to function. But for this occasion, he could splurge a little.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>His newly formed tongue poked at the kid's lips, already wet with viscous saliva (Snatcher didn't really remember how saliva was supposed to be, other than <em>wet</em>, but if the kid had any complaints she could send them to his suggestion box. It was in a bonfire). </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The kid gasped at the touch, taken off-guard, and Snatcher took the opening to slide his tongue inside and start moving it, coating the inside of the kid's mouth.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>She shuddered, her arms trying to push him away as her legs kicked out feebly, and Snatcher made sure to wrap his tail around her until she was bound well and proper.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Snatcher grinned into the kiss, feeling her tense up in aggravation. He deepened the kiss, plunging his tongue until it was almost touching her throat, uncaring if he accidentally triggered her gag reflex.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And huh... Seemed like the kid <em>didn't</em> have a gag reflex. She was all wet and warm and inviting, although she did have a pretty strong grip on his arm. It took a moment for Snatcher to remember that living creatures needed to <em>breathe</em>, and he pulled away with only a little reluctance.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The sight of the kid's flustered face, gasping heavily for air even as some of his fluorescent saliva dribbled down from her mouth, only served to stir his growing libido. Snatcher could <em>feel</em> his mind going straight to the gutter.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Instead, he gave her one of his soulless smiles. He was evil, but not <em>that</em> evil.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>(Or at least, he had higher standards than an alien brat that made his afterlife a living (hah) nightmare.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"And THAT, kid, is how you REALLY kiss people." With a twist of his body, he pushed the kid off his lap as he uncoiled from around her, throwing her into the floor in the process. "Now let me read in peace or I'll show you the meaning of <em>heavy</em> petting."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The hat brat, as expected, bolted away. Snatcher sighed in pleasure. It was always great to instill fear on the stubborn kid, even if it didn't last long.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Even if part of him still hungered to keep touching her, keep kissing, test out if he'd made a mistake or the kid really didn't have a gag reflex.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>No matter that, though. His forest was quiet now and he had a long, <em>thick</em> book to distract himself with. It had always worked for these situations when he was alive, anyways.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And with that scare, Snatcher was pretty sure it'd be some time until the brat dropped by the forest again, much less sought him out.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>(Snatcher was in for a surprise when Hat Kid dropped by the next day, half hiding behind the entrance of his tree room and looking at him with big, dark eyes.)</p>
</div><div>
  <p>(Apparently, Snatcher did <em>not</em> have higher standards after all.)</p>
</div>
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